I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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