we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
