I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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