He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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