Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
