why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
