After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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