I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dicks are not precious.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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