I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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