He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
