Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize