So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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