dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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