It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
