So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I did not marry a roomba.
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