Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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