I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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