let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
