I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
