Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize