she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize