I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
