Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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