Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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