Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
