We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
