i don't plan on having that self control this summer
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
