All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This toilet bowl is my home.
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