im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
