I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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