he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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