My nipple is on Facebook.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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