i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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