all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
