I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
