well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
