just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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