you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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