i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
