How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We were destined to go to rehab together
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
