I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We are two peas in an std pod
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
