im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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