we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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