If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
