im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
