There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
