I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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