Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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