I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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