you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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