On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
