Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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