Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
sex in a hospital.. check
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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