and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize