someone owes me an orgasm
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
