My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
