Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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