Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
