I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize