he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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