Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize