i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
