you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
