WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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