I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
