My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
