my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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