So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
