he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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