It's like a parade of train wrecks.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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