I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
