Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
